The ice is getting thinner.

I can feel you fading away from me. Drifting away further and further. I can feel your feelings towards me slowly fading away. Why? Is it me or is it you? Or is it us? Perhaps, like what I have always thought of us, we were never meant to be. We were both immature then. Yet, I'm surprised at how far we have came. But, we are both hurting from this love. Always hurting. Constantly hurting. It is obvious that now, our anger, disappointments, bitterness, sadness, tiredness and unhappiness with one another have overwhelmed the happiness we once shared together. Now, I understand the true meaning of temporary happiness. That fleeting moment of happiness and joy. It wasn't true joy. It wasn't everlasting joy. So, I will have to pay the price now since I have made that choice myself. As I learn to slowly let you go now I know you will not chase after me anymore. I know you have decided long ago to stop chasing after me. You have learnt to watch me go. You are willing to watch me go. You are willing to let me go. So, I'm going to let you go. I'm going to learn to let you go day by day. Every minute I will tell myself that it is time to let you go. To stop holding on to you.

And these, are really speaking of us.

A post about my piggies.

So, I was playing with my guinea pigs and I realized just how different their characters are. My first guinea pig which I bought named Truffie is so gentle, timid and demure and he loves to be cuddled by me a lot while my second piggy is so active and rebellious. He hates to be carried and cuddled. Somehow, I regretted buying second piggy cause Truffie can't get along with him. My intention was to put them in a same cage together and let them be friends with one another so Truffie would be less bored. What a wrong decision I've made. Thought of giving/selling second piggy away but it isn't very fair to do that. Plus, second piggy is really adorable. I thought all guinea pigs are easy to handle cause Truffie is such a good good piggy. He is too good to be true. He lets me feed it, carry it, stroke it, carry it and it makes purring sounds when I cuddle it. He likes me. Truffie caught my eye the moment I saw it at a pet shop because he reminds me of the guinea pig in Bolt. Second piggy is also adorable but he is just the complete opposite of Truffie. I really hope he will start to like me more and let me cuddle him and not run away when I let him roam around my house. Once I start giving him freedom, he never wants to be caught again.

Here is how my first piggy look like

Real pics of my two piggies

when truffie was still young

Dear mum,  I miss you.  I missed you the moment you stepped out of my car. I don't why today i'm in such a bad mood and i treated you unfairly. I was impatient to you and irritated with you half of the day. I grumbled and complained of being tired and was even unwilling to send you back home. I'm sorry. I felt so terrible after you left me and I really missed your presence and voice after you left. I wanted you back by my side. I wanted you to talk to me. I wanted to hear your voice and feel your presence again. And the thought of seeing you again only in a week's time, killed me. I don't know why but i burst out crying uncontrollably while I was driving back home. Haven't cried this way over you for a long time already. Why? I don't know. Just wanna stay with you mum. Just wanna live with you everyday. Just find it unfair that you're my mum but we can't even live together. Whywhywhy. So many questions ran through my mind just now. I started praying and I felt comforted by God. While I was sobbing and driving on the highway, it started raining all of a sudden. And what is surprising is that my car's wiper started wiping away the rain automatically. I feel that god is trying to tell me that he is wiping away my tears. And that he wants to. He wants to comfort me. He is always always here. I love you mum. I thank god for you even though our life has not been easy. All things work together for good, mum. Thank you, God.

I hate your fashion sense. I hate how unloving you are, serving yourself first such as spreading butter on the bread and eating it instead of giving it to me. I hate how pretentious you are, offering to pay something for me but end up taking your cash or credit card unwillingly and I, ended up paying for it. I hate the clueless you, not caring to give me any opinions when i am stuck between choices of what to buy. I hate how you always raise your voice at me. I hate how you always seize every opportunity to look at girls. I hate how you always forget that I am by your side. I hate your indifference. I hate your hurtful jokes, which are mostly about how fat or ugly or how pimply i look. I hate your jokes. Most of all, I hate your never ending lies.