Today marks the end of 2011. I had a great time with my two beloved friends, charlene and xiu jie yesterday. Sad to say that our much anticipated night safari trip was cancelled due to the ridiculously crowd and queue there. Really sad and disappointing but no point brooding about it. :( Our mood lightened up knowing we can always go another day next year and most importantly, us meeting up and spending time together is enough. We went to amk hub after taking some pictures and as usual, we caught up with one another and exchanged presents. Loving all the presents from them! :) I'm so thankful for them :)

Anyhow, I was taking a long hot shower just now and thinking about year 2012. Have been thinking a lot about my new year resolutions. So here I go, listing them down.

1) letting go of things i hold so dearly to.
2) Totally surrendering myself to god.
3) Giving my all for god.
4) Be truly satisfied with myself and my relationship with god.
5) Pray everyday.
6) Do my own quiet time everyday.
7) Read more books.
8) 100 percent concentration in class.
9) Stretch my limits.
10)Join tya or Gkids.
11)Love my enemies. (Yes, including some of those awful people I'll be facing almost everyday in my class.)
12)Lose weight healthily. (eat healthy, sleep early and exercise regularly.)
13)Start a new hobby. (kickboxing, fencing, baking etc.)
14)Learn to be more independent.
15)Get my driving license.
16)Study hard.
17)Get better grades.
18)Spend more time with my family.
19)Drive!!
20)Obeying god completely.
21)Win souls.
22)Control my spending.
23)Travel overseas!!

Yep, that's about it. :) I pray that god will help me to achieve all of the goals i have listed down. Gonna post some pictures of yesterday!

This year is coming to an end.. time to do a reflection. Did i lead a meaningful life this year? i guess not. am i going to start leading a more meaningful life next year? yes. i want to and i will try. it's so hard to apply it to my life. I've been given a wake-up call from god during the 5157 camp. now, i know that time is indeed very short. our life is fragile. we can't just waste it away doing meaningless and worldly things day by day. we got to make every second count for god and spend time with him. I want to finish the race god has given me. i don't want to die and be known just as an ordinary person leading an ordinary life. i want to stop being mediocre. because god wants me to accomplish something bigger in life. It's tiring, painful and difficult but the road to god's kingdom is narrow. i want to be god's good servant. I want to fight the good fight and finish the race god has called me to.

2 timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

December.

It is finally december. last december seems like yesterday. how time flies. One mood to describe me now is holiday. I'm completely in a holiday mood now. i can't concentrate in class at all. furthermore, it's financial accounting lesson today. oh how i hate this module. i feel so useless and helplessness every time i attend lessons for this module. i hate this feeling :( i'm actually dreaming away now, wishing i'm in a cold country experiencing winter. sitting by a cosy fireplace with my loved ones and enjoying the season of december. chatting, laughing, eating, skiing, building snowman out in the snow. throwing snowballs at one another, eating logcakes and turkey. but in reality, i'm in a classroom full of people with dead expressions, a teacher talking about stuff which i don't understand and struggling to attempt at least a single question in the worksheet. the teacher must have already noticed how distracted i am. :( the fact is, i can't help it.

oh my dreams:( brain, please shift back to studying mood right now. i just saw a pretty cool blog which only post winter pictures. shall post some of the pictures here!

hello there. i'm home early today on a Saturday! went for camp briefing followed by teens service today. tons of things to brief us about regarding the 5157 camp i'll be attending next sunday. i was actually feeling negative about the camp and even felt like withdrawing from it because i'm afraid i'll not have the capability to help out and being left out during the trip. had a different perspective after pastor lily said that the theme of this camp is to make our lives count. it is doing something good and making our lives accountable to god. it is all about serving god. when we serve people, we are also serving god. i'm sure god won't be very pleased if i withdraw from this camp. oh well shall just be brave and go ahead :) i should start growing as a christian and stop being in my comfort zone. perhaps this is an opportunity for me to step out of my comfort zone!

anyhow, i have started my practical driving lessons and it was scary at first but i'm starting to enjoy the essence of it! i can't wait to get my license officially. though it's tiring for me as i can only go for lessons after school but i will persevere! another update from me, i'm going to start learning fencing next year! finally! I've always been intrigued by this sport but didn't do anything about it. i've decided to take up this sport and will officially start attending lessons for fencing the beginning of next year! so excited!

Portishead

Here i am, blogging in my brother's office. skipped school today otherwise i wouldn't have enough time to study for tomorrow's marketing test. i know skipping school is bad for me but i have no choice :( was too tired to study yesterday. sigh. oh well at least i got to spend time with my brother. thank god for him! without him, i don't think i can survive in this family. he makes my life less scary and lonely. it's nice to be able to depend on him and he really cares for me a lot although he don't really show it often. my brother is lame, crappy, funny, annoying, doting, caring, selfish, rude and smart. this is what i think of him. although he has many many countless flaws, he has his attributes too. i love him because he's my brother. okay, i'm gonna go down to have my fringe cut now!

School's a bore

being in school without charlene is really sucky. life's so boring in school without her! miss crapping, laughing for no apparent reason and talking with her. :( can't imagine being in a class without her next semester. well i'm kinda feeling upset today because i've just seen an ugly side of someone. well that's life. in life, you meet different kinds of people and you learn something from them. at least now i know. you know you can't really hide your real character because every actions you do, you will reveal it out gradually without even realizing it. today's lesson is killing me. my brain cells are almost used up and my energy's draining away.. business statistics. fortunately, my teacher has been really nice to me and she guided me when i told her i was lost.

time flies though. i'm already halfway there before school ends. :) on a sad note, i have to stay in class alone after school because my first driving lesson is at 555pm. hoho i can't wait! my first practical lesson! i'm so sick of school:( i wanna go on a vacation!

Not a bed of roses.

Life is not a bed of roses. And it will never be. I always get upset and disappointed with the people around me. Perhaps it's because i care too much about the way they treat me or i expect too much from them. so i'm now left in a state of anger and disappointment. i was supposed to attend church today. sadly, no one answered my phone calls or messages. some called me back and replied, some didn't even bother to call or reply my messages. thinking that no one was going to church, i dragged my time at the flea booth hoping someone would call me and accompany me for service.

eventually, someone did but it was already quite late. i packed up my stuff and rushed to the taxi stand in the rain and crowd. i was contemplating whether to go to church or home when i was in the cab because it was already quite late. i made the wrong choice. i went home instead. i could still make it on time for service actually. received a nasty reply from my cousin afterwards saying if i had the heart to come for service, i would. i'm so upset and angry at her reply. people can be so selfish, nasty and mean. they can be so tactless, inconsiderate and ignorant to other people's feelings.

i have now come to the conclusion that everyone only care about themselves. everything they do, they do it for the benefit of themselves. they won't make sacrifices for you or make efforts just for the sake of you. they won't go to the extra mile for you.

once again, i'm all alone. i'm glad to say the person who really puts me first in his life would be my dad. he's the only person in this world who loves me more than anything else.

the pencil and the eraser.

some random cute post from tumblr but really touching and cute.
Pencil: You know, I'm really sorry.
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorry, 'cause you get hurt because of me. When ever i make a mistake, you always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller everytime.
Eraser: That's true, but i don't really mind. You see, i was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though, one of these days, I know i'll be gone and you have to replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

My soulmate

Will i ever meet someone who truly loves and cares for me? will my marriage with him last? will we be always happy together and remain intimate even till our hairs are gray and our bodies starts to deteriorate? i am always worried over this. will my future husband always love, care, dote, defend and protect me? ever since young, i have always thought that perfect love only exist in fairy tales. i am always skeptical about love. why? because my eyes have seen too many. my ears have heard too many. broken marriages, adultery, lack of communication, no more feelings for each other, indifference, bitterness, unforgiveness and so much more. i was born in a complete family. it ended when i was three. being raised up in an incomplete family makes you doubt love all the time. even lose faith in it. yes, everything is sweet at the beginning. courtship and dating. basically they are called the honeymoon period. but once the honeymoon period is over, things will start to change. i have witnessed this in most couples. so i am afraid. very afraid of the future.

one of the greatest desires of my heart is to get married to a guy who will love me till the day my heart stops beating. even so, i will be forever etched in his memory and heart. i desire to find someone who will never cheat on me, always respect me, pampers me and dotes on me. i want him to always be there for me, love me and care for me. i want him to set his eyes only on me. i want to be that special woman he adores. i want him to thank god for me.

yes, i still believe in love. because i trust god. i know his plans for me. his plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. because if our earthly father knows how to give good things to us, how much more will god give to us? god knows the desires of my heart. god will not let me down. all i have to do is to follow him, obey him, delight in him and love him with all my soul and all my heart. i have to seek intimacy with him first. my god is holding the key. for that special guy to enter my heart. i have to surrender my heart to god. i have to let go and let god. i have to trust him with all my heart and with all my soul.

ultimately, the best relationship is with god.

i was desperate to touch god. because i had come to the conclusion that all flesh was grass, it was chasing after the wind, it was a vanity, here today and gone tomorrow. i had to touch the uncreated, because he was what was eternal. i was desperate. i said " i have to touch you, because you're the only thing that remains."
-Misty Edwards